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My LiFe SuCkS. Pure and Simple.

Sep. 8th, 2004

07:39 pm - My last entry here - read it and weep

*tear tear* Just some final stats for you. Remember, it you wanna be on my new LJ name and list then I suggest you comment on my previous entry. C U over there - :)

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I have a new Live Journal name, but if you wanna know what it is, leave a comment, and maybe a reason to add you. I am having such a sucky day right now.....

Sep. 2nd, 2004

07:02 pm - If I scream it loud enough.....maybe you will care.....I HATE MYSELF!!!......nope, darkness still...

School sucks. Went, helped Ms. Dandeneau ALLLLLL day. grrrrr. Sooooo tired, but she gave me some reeeaaalll good advice. I really do love having her for a teacher. Nothing else good today - OMG the class meeting was soooo bad - I am so embarrassed for our class,really that wasn't cool.

Brushed my teeth (at school) then left and saw Bianca and Kaia. Then cashed my ghetto check and went to the dentist to get a cavity filled. Then things started to suck a little bit...... My dad told me (on the ride) that most people weren't coming to my party, and the people who were are coming to see other people I invited :( . Fine, accepted whatever. Then I had to get all my files off "Maura's Computer" that she moved to her room. I am now the only one without one. Later on, Maura and Dad were talking about things he expected or not from his 3 children. Then we got on to my love life and why I don't have a boyfriend (or have never for that matter)I said it was cuz I was ugly,Maura said it was my personality, Dad said it was my weight. Ohhh welll, So I am a FAILURE in all aspects.

Ups to a locker in the 2005 Senior hallway!! I am sooo sick of living sometimes......all this crap to deal with....all this pain - oh brownie points if you can figure out when my REAL birthday is, not tomorrow.....

Sep. 1st, 2004

10:15 pm - Have you ever noticed how life sucks allot, then it sucks some more......

I hate life, I really do. So yeah - school is okay, but not good. I am glad I am in the senior hallway - technically. I don't like Chui that much, Still love Dandeneau's class. Math was okay, I just don't belong. Study - I went to see Mrs. Rosen - SHE wanted to talk, I wanted to be left alone with my friends. Lunch - I sold stuff for Mrs. D. A Capella was alright, I don't belong there either. Current Issues is BORINGG!!!! I nearly fell asleep. Band - actually not that bad. My idea for an office was liked. Good, we have a place to work and chill. After I got food and waited for Eric - we were gonna go to the mall right after school to get my gift. He was busy, (he said for 20 minutes) was gone over an HOUR. It sucked, so I walked home. I waited, went online, then talked to Eric. Chilled, then Eric got me at 7 something. He got me all sorts of stuff. Sooo cute - but I have NO idea.

So I think I have decided to not go to DisneyWorld and do the music stuff. I am upset. I dunno, I guess it will be okay, I hope so. I am soooooooooo depressed. I dunno, I am just in a bad mood, I wanna be happy but can't. I wanna smile but can't I wanna say what is REALLY wrong.....but can't.......

Aug. 31st, 2004

06:45 pm - It is the first day - and life already sucks - oh good.....

School stinks - I hate it - too many changes.....
Woke up at 6 - ewwwww. Not cool at all. Was there by 6:40. Helped Jason fix all the signs. They all fell in the humidity. Oh well. My "I am a Snior shirt" - we all looked good, ya'll.

So then I go to 1st - chorus - with James and Stephanie - good times I suppose. I wanna be a chorus officer, but I know I can't win against the people running cuz all their friends are in the class. Then I go to ghetto english 2, It sucks - EXCEPT I got to be with Marcia, Samantha, and Leah. We all sit in a row (assigned!) Chui is okay I guess..... Then I go to Math - kinda sorta sucked. Everyone looked at me funny when I walked into the room cuz of the level. Mrs. Hahn seems like she will be an okay teacher. Fourth was study (I hate study but love the people in it) with Fancher. Twas okay, talked with my chicas. Talked about band mostly.

*******Lunch - didn't eat, just got a powerade - Got a table with my People (Manda, Rach, Eric, Ade, Jason) but also have a temporary seat with Allie, Christine, R.E.L., and Carrie. Love Carrie - sooo cute. the only good time I had.************

Then I went to A Capella - it is perfect. We will have two tenors. 4 altos, 4 sopranos, and 3 bases. Sooooo goood. Cool. Current issues was next. there are 10 PEOPLE in the class. I dislike Dr. Slattery. I wanted MA, oh well. Then band. I didn't like it with her too much, it was like chorus but wierd. I think the band people weren't "feelin' it" too much. So many freshman - AND TROMBONE BOY! - but yeah it was wierd. Oh well. No one even showed up to "eighth period". soo sad. Got a drink and got home.

Told Dad about the DisneyWorld "situation" - Okay, so I find out the concert is December 9th and the rehersals are the 8th and 6th. They are all REQUIRED. I will not pass with out 'em. Fin. BUT i am supposed to go to Disney world from the 1st - through the 9th. not good!! I am sooo screwed. I can't miss the concert - that is the whole point of going to class, and I am in all three groups, which would mean I would have to write 3 ten page papers for not attending the concert, two two page papers for not going to choir rehersals and ALL my 6 days of make up work. Or not go to DisneyWorld - which I wanna gooo SOOOOOO BAD. but I can stay home.....my dad is pissed about it. I have to decide in the next 24 hours too and only one decision - can't change my mind. THIS SUCKS.

I dunno what to do - so if you didn't guess, my dad and I fought over it. He is like then drop the clas, drop all the god damn classes and there will be no problem. Any ideas?? I feel sooooo depressed right now, I got an idea.......

Aug. 30th, 2004

07:57 pm - A little pretentious, a little strange, and a little preppy but full of spirit - the Class of 2005

Just Kidding, Class of 2005! We Be Seniors, yo!

Yesterday - Called Nick, made plans. Called Rachael, went to Bertucci's. Saw Manda, talked to her. Came home and was in a bad mood. Dad flipped out at me again. wtf. U know who was there and really helped - Tayla. She wasn't having the best day eitehr. So at like 11pm we start talking online and we keep it up constant for 2 hours. then after a while, I get annoyed with typing and scare the CRAP out of her by calling her cell phone. We got allot in common and just dealt with stuff. I told her stuff I haven't told anyone, and she stopped to ACTUALLY listen and help and vice versa. I hope it helped <3 Went to bed after my dad called me to wake up at 6."Not a date,wait,how did you get my cell phone #?,tell her this,sleeping IN da computer - rotflmao :)"

Today - Went to the Museum of Science with Nick Miller (after falling asleep and being called my my aunt at 11). It twas fun. We got lost in Boston for 2 hours. Nick's sis is 5 now and sooo cute (I feel so bad, I found out she was allergic to the sun :( )Nick and I walked around, and kept running into Cassie (his sis) and his mom. Saw the Lord of the Rings thing. I talked to Nick about stuff in front of his mom ( I adore her, she is sooo nice to me) She (cassie) was trying to show off and didn't want me to leave when it came time to drop me off. Sooo cute. Then I came inside - Thanks for my shirt Jason!. Got yelled at for being up all night, got yelled at for having school tomorrow, got yelled at cuz I wasn't tired and I didn't wanna take meds, got yelled at for it all. But it was worth it. Okay day - my dad
wants me in bed by 8:30, not gonna happen.

My last summer idea the night before a scary year

I wanna fly, I wanna fly,
But I don't want to jump just yet,
I have a life that isn't lived,
And the sun has not yet set.

I wanna fly, I wanna fly,
So now I look, and hold my breath,
Risk my live or face my death,
Or at least I have to try.

goodnight, see you tomorrow. I hope you all try and have a good day.

Aug. 29th, 2004

12:00 pm - I think I feel better than I have....

I haven't eaten anything substancial in 2 days - yesterday - small ice cream and a few potato chips.  I got all my birfday supplies - Fanta (orange), Coca Cola, and Sprite, plus Water.  Then there will be smart food popcorn, wheat thins, Goldfish, chips and pretzels. Then of course pizza, probably around 9, cuz allot of people are coming late :(. 

Oh well........ this is something I thought of - you should all try it. Each phrase starts with "I am the type of person" and you keep going until you feel you have expressed yourself in a new way.

I am the type of person who'd sacrifice myself for a room of strangers.
I am the type of person who would use every crayon in the box.
I am the type of person who loves her friends more than family.
I am the type of person who protects herself from new people.
I am the type of person who wakes up at dawn and ain't tired 'till 3am.
I am the type of person that does what she feels and knows reguarly, but still tries new things.
I am the type of person who gives up her seat on the bus, but not on the "t".
I am the type of person who does things wrong to get a little attention.
I am the type of person who cries over little things but not big ones.
I am the type of person who will call a friend a 12am to help.
I am the type of person who looks to live but wants to die.
I am the type of person who is more of a dreamer than a do-er.
I am the type of person who never wins and wants to hold a grudge.
I am the type of person who wants to be included but always feels left out.
I am the type of person who gets "Have a good summer" in her yearbook.
I am the type of person that hates getting yelled at or corrected.
I am the type of person that hates to be wrong.
I am the type of person that eats one real meal a day.
I am the type of person who would rather read between the lines.
I am the type of person who won't look you in the eye 'till I feel equal.
I am the type of person who wants to scream but stays silent 'till it affects someone else.
I am the type of person who can get nerotic about one thing for weeks.
I am the type of person that always has bags under her eyes.
I am the type of person that gives gifts when she has a bad day.
I am the type of person that loves everyone, reguardless, but will defend the defenseless.

12:38 am - Sometimes life is about a $19.62 dollar paycheck and Consoling a friend at 11pm......

I had such a crappy past two days. I have had such a bad 16 years. Today was not worth living - I wanna go back or quit or something. At least wounds can heal. That is what meds and doctor bills are for.

Today - Woke up at 10 (first at 6, went to bed at 3am)Watched tv in my room for an hour and some, then the mail comes and - my schedule! Wait - no, it sucks! It is wrong, I feel sooo dumb. WE PROBABLY DO NOT HAVE SENIOR EMPOWERMENT WEEK! So I fight with Maura for a little while then Dad comes home - yay. Talk to him about my schedule - first he is joking mean, then he is cruel - Yells at me that I don't aprreciate him, how great he is and how I never say nothing good about him. How I am just like Colleen and and good for nothing and whatnot. So I go in my room, crying (cuz I always lose the fight), Stupid stuff again. Oh crap. Crying, negative therapy (I hate myself, I am worthless).

Did a page of summer reading, Rachael called and I talk to her for a little, trying to deal with bad schedules. We got Ice Cream, went to see if I had to work, I did so I said goodbye and had to fix all the stuff on my schedule to actually work. Oh yay. Worked with Tayla most of the night, talked to her. Talked to Danielle, both Melissa's, Yanick. I am really starting to meet some cool people. I got to do some register stuff, but mostly runs. Saw Stephanie and Chelsea, and Josh Faria. There were lots of people I knew working - Mr. Ames was pissed that I was working for someone who had lots of experience. Oh well. I hate Ice Cream and some of the people who work there. Got my check - $19.62, just for training though.

Got home, fought with Maura. Got online and read away messages. My friend was sad, and she said no one cared so I talked to a couple people real quick then got off. I called her cell 15 times. then I called 411, then after 5 minutes of that I called her house. "You called my house at 11 o' clock at night just to ask what is wrong?" Damn right I did. We talked for 44 minutes. Nice chat actually.

Got back online, YAY JESSICA CHAPMAN IS HOME!!!! Now I am here. Ya know - I realize I attract people who have a problem so I can fix it. I love helping people and talking to people. I think that is why I love volunteering versus working. I Love You all soooooo much.

My 2004/2005 Sched. :)
Period 1 - Concert Choir
Period 2 - English 4
Period 3 - Math Stratagies
Period 4 - Directed Study (I have NEVER had a study)
Period 5 - A Capella Choir
Period 6 - Current Issues/Law and Justice
Period 7 - Band (who is teaching it?)
Period 8 - Community Service (WTF?????? I can't stay afterschool, I have stuff!)

It is not at all good - I am not in theatre workshop, writing creatively, and forensics. DAMN! I have to work it out, but my dad won't sign the schedule change....

Aug. 27th, 2004

11:58 pm - Orange Juice in an Apple Juice container....

I was in suck a good mood just minutes ago......
Figures...... I feel the need...... maybe just a little.....

10:45 pm - I hAd A gOoD dAy - in my standards anywayz....:)

Hi Everyone - I am wheezing now and and not at all tired but other than life....things have been tolerable.
Woke up at 6 (getting into the school swing)
Showered, dressed (totally preppy)
Walked to Driver's Ed, *Jocie totally didn't even see me at all!*
Hung with Laura I. and Jessie
Rachael picked me and we went to subway *Saw Christine, yay*
Caught the bus, caught the "T", Went to Boston (77 hours of community service, DaMn!)
Bought 3 Rings, Caught the "T", was almost late and called Jason.
Changed, Jason took me to work.
Go in, basic tour. Get the raggiest apron EVER. Get to train with Kathleen - nice chick, a senior from Holbrook high.
She taught me like everything I could do. I was READY.
I did runs, then restocked, then started helping with the register. I was like actually working and doing real stuff. I was never to idle, I found crap to stock or clean or filled popcorn bags.
I was sooo excited, everyone was really nice (for the most part)
I am not scheduled to work ALL NEXT WEEK! WTF?! I may switch tomorrow with Katherine though - I truly hope so.
Ride home with Jason. MORON, FREAK!
Told Dad 'bout my day, Birthday plans (YAY, totally good)Fought with Maura. Now I am here.

I totally don't know what I want for my birthday, guess, or ask Rachael or Eric. Try not to do tooo much Eeyore stuff, I need to stop the obsession.


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